Our puppy Buddy came home yesterday with a cone on his head and without his manhood. Now, most of you will know what I am talking about and realize that this is just a normal rite of passage for male puppies. I have had three male dogs and all of them have made the trip to the vet that caused each “he” to become an “it”.
It is the cone that has my attention. Plastic cones are used with dogs to keep them from licking their wounds if you know what I mean. There is an old joke about that with men but it is not appropriate to recite here..just leave it to be said that Buddy is very unhappy not being able to inspect his private areas. I thought about adding a picture to this post but decided it was more pitiful than fun and I might just get somebody who finds the picture cruel. So, I stuck with what keeps coming to mind..the Coneheads from SNL. Basically, the cone is a piece of plastic connected in a circle around the dog’s neck and extending to a wider opening just beyond the dog’s nose. Not really like the Coneheads of the 1980′s but the word just seems appropriate.
Anyway, something about this cone on his head has made it so Buddy can’t get through doorways without banging the cone and almost ripping it off his neck. Buddy seems just fine and is moving through doorways with no loss of speed. Suddenly, his cone clips the wall and he does a quick stop and looks around like “what the heck?”
I thought he would have trouble eating but I forgot, he is a dog! They can figure out how to eat the smallest crumb that finds its way all the way under the couch. A cone presents little problem. What does he care about the mess he makes? If he could talk I’m sure he would say “thats what you guys get for giving me this ridiculous cone and not letting me lick myself and feel better?”
So, this morning Buddy really let me have it. Not sure why I am the target of his frustration because my wife Jennifer took him and picked him up from the manhood doctor. I can’t be associated with this whole act. I guess he just knows Jennifer will sleep through anything. Buddy jumped up on our bed..right on me, and swung the cone straight across my face. Then a second time to just make sure I understood how upset he is. Who needs an alarm clock when they can be knocked silly by a dog wearing a plastic cone? The perfect start of my day! Now I am certain somehow Buddy is blaming me. Everybody else around here can do no wrong so it must be the grumpy old guy’s fault.
Soon life will return to normal around here again. The cone will be removed and Buddy will be free to roam around the cabin, if you know what I mean. As a person who has owned a dog for a long time, I know the cone will return one day. When it does, I will make sure to remember the awakening I experienced this morning and discuss with Buddy it is only fair he share the cone with him Mom next time.