Archive for the ‘Personal’ Category

College Life-How Sweet It Is!

Friday, January 25th, 2013

One of my college kids called me the other night.  Well actually she text-ed me.  Because that is what kids do today.  When they have a complex question that involves a response that could exceed 100 words, they of course text.   My standard response when this happens…”call me”.

So the phone call shortly arrived.  The whole purpose for this communication involved a certain movie streaming application that her new television came with last summer.  She has been enjoying this application with no charge associated.  She thought Dad had set it up but I had not.  So, all I can figure is there was some type of free introductory period. The freebie had now ended and daughter was hoping that Dad would either provide his log in to this program, or a credit card so this right of college life could continue.

Matters like this are better not to hit me with at 10pm at night.  I understand just enough about business to know that no company has set up a video streaming app that all one person needs to do is share their password with their college student and pretty soon an entire dorm is streaming movies on your account.  I was not entirely sure how the business model worked, and daughter swore she would keep my login secret (I really believe she would do her best to keep it secret), but I was not buying it.  I enjoy the service, we use it at home, and the last thing I wanted was to get our home blocked because my password was also being used at a college campus not exactly in the same location as my home.   I thought maybe there was a usage model that might solve this issue but as my tired head tried to figure out a solution at the company’s website, the solution hit me.

The solution was so obvious frankly I got a little upset at myself for not having immediately thought of this.  Our goal is for our kids to come out of college debt-free.  So, we cover tuition, room and board and books.  Social items are on the kids so they need to work whenever they can to pay for their social and entertainment.  Same program I was on with my parents and I am forever thankful to them for not forcing me into the world of student loans.   I was not handing over my log in information, so this problem was not mine.  Clearly an entertainment issue…this was daughter’s to decide.  Plus in my research I found out the cost of an unlimited plan was less than two grande lattes at Starbucks!  We know how often college kids make that pit stop!  (To daughter’s credit, she called me later and apologized for expecting me to handle this expense-much appreciated.)

Which brings me to the end of the story but I just could not stop thinking about this.  What a world we live in!  For $8 a month, you can have unlimited movies streaming into your college room.  My first memory was that we had a small black and white TV in my college room and we hardly could watch it through the snow on the screen as we strained to pick up stations 75 miles away!  We did buy record albums (kids-ask your parents what they are) and I remember those being about $6 each.  One album with 40 minutes of music, 35 years ago, cost more than the limited plan for the movie streaming application!  If they sold albums today they probably would be $15!  College kids in the 70′s collected record albums like the Harbaugh family collects coaching victories.  Our kids have no idea how great life is for them.

Of course, I sure hope they find some time to study!

 

Neglect

Wednesday, November 14th, 2012

I had a rough day yesterday.  When it was over I realized I had neglected a number of things that should have been the most important parts of my day.  Instead I was wrapped up in the ridiculous circumstances that just seemed like piling on.   In retrospect, I have to do better.

Then I started to think about neglect.  When you neglect something it generally means it is not important.  There are different levels of neglect though.  The stress of the day yesterday caused me to neglect a few minutes I could have enjoyed with my son and wife.  Those are really important moments to me.  It is not the same as the neglect that occurs when you choose to eat pizza late at night every night!  Or is it?

How do you separate the levels of neglect?  Make a list of the three to five most important things to you.  Mine are my marriage, children, spirituality, business, and volunteer efforts. (Sorry Buddy the dog..you are not on this list but that does not mean I won’t feed you and take you out)!   Now I look at that list and the top three are non-negotiable.  When I have another day that feels like my luck is terrible and the world is crumbling around me, the top three will NEVER be neglected.

What can I neglect?  Eating crummy food, reading trash about politics and opinions that frustrate me, ridiculous reality TV shows, and I know I can keep this list going and going.  It is all things that suck out my remaining time and energy when it should be spent in better ways.

Figure out what you can neglect and what you never want to neglect.  Then lets all do our best to not neglect the important ones again!

One Day

Friday, October 26th, 2012

What if you knew today was your last day?

One day.  Not enough time to plan to tackle a bucket list.   Or much of anything.

Except for what is MOST important.

Can’t over think it either..the time will fly by.

How would you spend that one day?

I bet I can answer that for anyone reading this.  Talking to their loved ones.  Being with them if possible.  Being in the moment.

Facebook, Twitter, Linked In…not so much.

We all are distracted by modern life.   Watch any group of people together.  They spend as much time looking at their phone as they do each other.  Maybe more.

If you knew it was your last day..is that how you would spend it?

Or would you want more?

One day..and chances are this one is not it.   Why waste it though?  The people you will spend time with on special occasions, particularly over the next couple of months, are likely who you would want to spend time with on your one day.  Lets get focused on those moments if we agree that they are how we would spend our one day.

If we only knew.

How To Spend The Time?

Monday, September 3rd, 2012

Three day weekend.  Lots of rain.  More time spent inside than I have spent in a long time.

How to spend the time?

Household projects that have been waiting for months?

Hundreds of emails that will never stop arriving or screaming for a response?

Bills..I can get ahead on handling the bills…

Shopping…uh no thanks unless somehow I can make it a social outing with my wife or kids.  Or pick up some stuff at the hardware store for those household projects!

Watch baseball games on TV…there is a weak spot.

How about spending time sitting around talking with family and friends?  In other words, doing nothing.  Or doing everything.  The most important thing.  Relationships with family and friends.

If you have spent the first two days of this three day-er pursuing your list of personal interests, maybe it is time that on day three, we take time to visit with family and friends.  Check in with loved ones.

Spend time on what really matters.

I know it is cliche…but other people are the only real thing in your life.

Don’t worry, when you die there will likely still be a lot of household chores.

But will there be those relationships?

Three day weekend with a Monday holiday.   Spend it on the best things in your life.

While you are at it, remember those folks laboring for you today and not enjoying a holiday with the same opportunities.  Hopefully they will have another opportunity to do so soon.

 

Reverse Migration

Monday, August 13th, 2012

It seems like just the other day I lamented about the change in our lives brought on by the return of our two college students.  We have experienced this migration and disruption for several years now.   The expected total change in lifestyle took place through the summer, but with a little more calm.  I guess that is part of the kids being 21 and having jobs and maybe finding they enjoy mornings more?  Not sure…but as the summer has gone on we have had to start to see our lives change even more significantly.  Our two 18 year olds would also be leaving.  One to Purdue.  The other had a decision to make.  He is our hockey goalie and despite my ranting and raving about the world of hockey when kids reach this age…it didn’t change anything.  He wants to play in college and the colleges like the players to spend an extra year in what is called Juniors.  Tryouts ensued and as the summer rolled on it became clear that his selection, and the best choice for his development as a hockey player and young man, was 2300 miles away in a place we have never been..Medford Oregon.

How do you move a soon to be 19 year old boy across the country?  We spent the summer on that one.  Fortunately we discovered that he qualified for on- line classes from Indiana University.  We really wanted him to not just sleep and play hockey.  Starting his college classes and having the most flexibility for the future was our goal.  Being the partisan that I am I must brag… Indiana University offered the solution.  So we can officially also now say we have four in college!  Bragging rights is what this game is all about!  Look..we are much more broke than you are!

So, three at Purdue and one going to Indiana University while living in Oregon!  While I am not sure this fully qualifies that I finally got one of my kids to go to my school, at least for a semester,  I can feel a little better about how the college savings flow.  If you know anybody who has saved enough to have four kids in college in the same year they have likely either 1. inherited wealth,  2. won the lottery, or 3. sacrificed for years.   We fall under #3.  Maybe this helps a little more to explain my conservatism?  Not an excuse…but a lifestyle choice.

So, the point today is that 30 minutes ago, our son and my wife hopped in his Chevy Silverado to make the trek across country.   My first observation is thank goodness he is a boy.  He is able to move himself and make decisions I have never seen our girls make.  Travel light.  I carried Jennifer’s suitcase downstairs and realized she would pay the suitcase up-charge if she was flying.  She took up 25% of his cargo space and she flies back in a week!  He was lighthearted about it.  He knows his Mom and had saved plenty of room in the covered truck bed for her (suitcase that is)!  Our 8 year old son said his goodbyes and I know I was about to lose it.   I hugged our hockey player/IU student and told him I am proud of him.    I do not believe I could have ever made the decision he made at his age.  As Mom and I said our goodbyes, her face full of tears, I realized just how hard this was going to be for her.   Not the three day drive, but leaving her baby boy so far from home.   This is not a one hour drive to Purdue!

On Thursday I will have a U Haul truck loaded up to deliver the rest of our girls to Purdue.  When I return it will be the 8 year old and me until Mom comes home.  Then it will be just three of us in a house that is now too large for three, but needs to be able to accommodate seven.  The kids do migrate home.  Then they fly the coop again.  It is a stage of life.  One between needs and support, and total independence.  It is a time of growth and excitement, and a heart tug that can’t be described unless you are a parent experiencing it.    The birds have flown from the nest again.  It is quiet.

For some reason, I am sad.

Hot Fun In The Summertime

Tuesday, May 1st, 2012

OK..I know I am ahead of myself a little bit.  It feels like summer.  Warm air, thunderstorms, baseball and the return of the migrating college student.  It is the return of the college student that annually turns us to anticipation of how much our home life will change over the next few months.   Excuse me if the migration to our home is different than yours.  I have discussed this with enough parents I doubt it.

The migration patterns of a college student are forced on them by the institutions that take so much of our money to provide training that will enable them to survive in society.  The training only goes so far.  The migrating college student often seems to not realize the differences in the world outside academia.  The strange part is unless forced behavior patterns are introduced they will not recognize that outside their institutions the world does not include sleep until noon, proceeded by many hours of reality TV, and finally mass socialization events starting at 11pm.  For these reasons, the annual summer migration pattern where these cocoons of academia no longer provide protection of this lifestyle, create a level of stress on the homes where the migration occurs.

Starting today, we expect the return of our first college student.  Both of our students already have made their presence felt by convincing their brother to come to school over the weekend and provide use of his truck to bring to our home most personal possessions and furnishings.  Of course, with no thought of where these items would be deposited, the brother and I spent Sunday afternoon carrying things to storage and upstairs to bedrooms in preparation for the migration.  Why do we have to handle the migration and all of its baggage also?  The migration is like taking a business trip, where when you reach your hotel you find your favorite big screen TV, chair, couch and reading materials.  Not to mention a full wardrobe of clothing that most likely has hardly been touched (but was needed just in case)!

For months we have enjoyed a lifestyle that includes sleeping through the night at what most of us consider normal hours.  Beginning tonight, I can almost hear the TV’s blaring through our home at 1am, waking me up to the sound of Jersey Shore reruns.  Not to mention that I am accustomed to getting out of bed and not worrying about the bodies deposited on couches throughout the home.   Did I mention the food consumption and lack of parking?  Or finding myself blocked into our driveway by multiple vehicles when trying to leave to go to the office?

My wife and children consider my attitude about this migration a sign of my senility.  They may be right.  I am increasingly a creature of habit.  Just like nature, the migration affects my habits and it causes conflict.  The good news?  Jobs!  Yes, get the student employed quickly in a job where they work eight hours and are tired by late evening!  This seems to make a huge difference in the adaptation of the student to it’s new environment.  If they can’t find one, create one for them!  You are not running college housing and the migration needs to include a rapid adaptation program to the lifestyle of the remainder of the home.  Unless you also have high school students who will be out of school in a month.   At that point all you can do is plan vacations and disrupt the patterns.

True, we love having our kids back home.  It is the adaptation process that is a true test of our patience and now a part of our recognition of summer.  I think I now understand the real reason people  purchase summer homes!

 

Happy Spring!

Tuesday, March 20th, 2012

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high

John Denver

 

Do you feel any different this morning?  The Spring Equinox occurred at 1:14 EDT this morning!  This date means two things.  Daylight and darkness will be approximately an equal 12 hours.  Most importantly, winter is over!!!

I know, most of us have been blessed with a winter that makes us re-think whether we really need to move to warmer climates December through February.  If you are like me, you are worried about the payback.  Does the weather really average itself out over time?

Longer days mean more sunshine.  More sunshine for many of us just means we feel better.  Is it the sunshine or the ability to be outdoors that makes us happy?  Or both?

There is actually some science to back all of these good feelings up.  In a University of Rochester study, 90 percent of subjects got a boost in energy and had their outlook brightened by spending time outdoors around trees, grass, and living creatures.  90%!

So getting outside and breathing fresh air does make you happy!   Walking outside, and not on a treadmill, gives your heart and your mental facilities a charge!  I find the chance to walk and see many different things well worth it for both my heart and mind.

Plus, with the official arrival of Spring, that means each day for the next three months will be longer than the night!  Lets all get happy!

Oh..I have to add this comment because I actually have friends in the Southern Hemisphere of the world.  To those friends…never mind.   Sorry…this does not apply to you.  Can you set it aside and come back to it in September?

Happy Spring!!  (to most of my friends who reside in the Northern Hemisphere!)

Little darling
It’s been a long, cold lonely winter
Little darling
It feels like years since it’s been here
Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun,
and I say
It’s all right   The Beatles

Thank You!

Monday, March 12th, 2012

I enjoy coaching youth basketball and baseball.  Our basketball season ended suddenly (only the champs win their last game) last week.  I couldn’t shift gears fast enough at the end of the game to say what was most important.  I tried to encourage the kids, and that was important also.  But, this group of kids had worked and played particularly hard and they deserved to be told “thanks”.

I ended up sending an email later to the parents and the kids wrapping up the season and sharing the two words that kept going through my mind.  “Thank You!”  It may seem a little odd that I wanted to say thanks to all of them so badly (since I was the unpaid volunteer!) but lets face it.  We were all giving to each other in the relationships and the gift I was given was a lot of hard effort and commitment from players and parents.  What more could you ask for?  “Thank you” seems very appropriate.

How often though do we forget to really recognize those people who give so much to us?  In the moment at the end of the game it did not register with me.  It was only with a day of reflection that I realized how important it was to share my gratitude.   In business and life, it seems the chase is where the energy is spent.  When the end is accomplished, whether it is the end of a sports season, or the client who agrees to a contract, thank you is a very important part of our language.

Even more importantly, when we are successful do we recognize all the people that helped make for the success?  Not only do we need to thank the players and client, but also the parents and staff that made the experience a positive one for all involved.

In many service businesses there is a certain expectation as to the quality of service received, and people often do not feel it necessary to add a thank you for a good deed.   I know it should not work this way, but if you are one of these people, notice that the customers who show appreciation seem to get a little bit higher level of service.  This is easy to explain.  We all like to be around people who are kind and gracious…and level headed!

Do I think we should all walk around saying “thank you” just to make the world a nicer place?  Absolutely not.  “Thank you” is an expression of gratitude that needs to be sincere.  A “thank you” for the sake of thank you is not sincere, and should be meaningless.  I personally want to be able to recognize when thanks are due and immediately let the person know of my gratitude.

Even if it is just minutes after the final buzzer.

The Difference Between Boys and Men

Monday, March 5th, 2012

In February,  I had two daughters turn 21.  Last year, my other daughter turned 18.   All three are in various stages of their dating lives.  I realize I might have a little bit of influence, but mostly at this point it is up to the girls to make decisions about their lives that turn out to be good ones.  That statement is a mouthful because how many of us as adults have always made good decisions?  I think as an adult we have some ability to at least acknowledge the bad decisions and dissect where they went wrong.  Wouldn’t it be great to be able to always recognize a bad decision before you make one?

When it comes to my daughters and their relationships, I came across this over the weekend.  The writer is unknown.  It is wisdom that I think comes across well in the written word instead of the dad lecture.  Maybe you will find value in this no matter if you are a Dad, Mom, or a Daughter.

When you start to have a relationship with a boy, you want him to act like a man.  If you are in a relationship with a man, you don’t want him to act like a boy.  What is the difference?

A boy will flatter you.  A man will compliment you.

A boy will spend money on you.  A man will invest in you.

A boy will view you as property.  A man will view you properly.

A boy will lust after you.   A man will love you.

A boy is someone  who believes he’s God’s gift to women.   A man  remembers woman was God’s gift to man.

I want my girls to look for and recognize the difference in a boy and a man.  I also want to teach my sons to be a man.   I realize that involves a lot more than being a good sportsman, or not being a slob.  Sometimes with boys we forget the important things when it involves girls.  Maybe this will help.

Attack of the Conehead!

Friday, February 17th, 2012

Our puppy Buddy came home yesterday with a cone on his head and without his manhood.  Now, most of you will know what I am talking about and realize that this is just a normal rite of passage for male puppies.  I have had three male dogs and all of them have made the trip to the vet that caused each “he” to become an “it”.

It is the cone that has my attention.   Plastic cones are used with dogs to keep them from licking their wounds if you know what I mean.  There is an old joke about that with men but it is not appropriate to recite here..just leave it to be said that Buddy is very unhappy not being able to inspect his private areas.  I thought about adding a picture to this post but decided it was more pitiful than fun and I might just get somebody who finds the picture cruel.   So, I stuck with what keeps coming to mind..the Coneheads from SNL.  Basically, the cone is a piece of plastic connected in a circle around the dog’s neck and extending to a wider opening just beyond the dog’s nose.  Not really like the Coneheads of the 1980′s but the word just seems appropriate.

Anyway, something about this cone on his head has made it so Buddy can’t get through doorways without banging the cone and almost ripping it off his neck.   Buddy seems just fine and is moving through doorways with no loss of speed.  Suddenly, his cone clips the wall and he does a quick stop and looks around like “what the heck?”

I thought he would have trouble eating but I forgot, he is a dog!   They can figure out how to eat the smallest crumb that finds its way all the way under the couch.  A cone presents little problem.  What does he care about the mess he makes?  If he could talk I’m sure he would say “thats what you guys get for giving me this ridiculous cone and not letting me lick myself and feel better?”

So, this morning Buddy really let me have it.  Not sure why I am the target of his frustration because my wife Jennifer took him and picked him up from the manhood doctor.  I can’t be associated with this whole act.  I guess he just knows Jennifer will sleep through anything.  Buddy jumped up on our bed..right on me, and swung the cone straight across my face.  Then a second time to just make sure I understood how upset he is.   Who needs an alarm clock when they can be knocked silly by a dog wearing a plastic cone?  The perfect start of my day!   Now I am certain somehow Buddy is blaming me.  Everybody else around here can do no wrong so it must be the grumpy old guy’s fault.

Soon life will return to normal around here again.   The cone will be removed and Buddy will be free to roam around the cabin, if you know what I mean.   As a person who has owned a dog for a long time, I know the cone will return one day.   When it does, I will make sure to remember the awakening I experienced this morning and discuss with Buddy it is only fair he share the cone with him Mom next time.