Hot Fun In The Summertime

May 1st, 2012

OK..I know I am ahead of myself a little bit.  It feels like summer.  Warm air, thunderstorms, baseball and the return of the migrating college student.  It is the return of the college student that annually turns us to anticipation of how much our home life will change over the next few months.   Excuse me if the migration to our home is different than yours.  I have discussed this with enough parents I doubt it.

The migration patterns of a college student are forced on them by the institutions that take so much of our money to provide training that will enable them to survive in society.  The training only goes so far.  The migrating college student often seems to not realize the differences in the world outside academia.  The strange part is unless forced behavior patterns are introduced they will not recognize that outside their institutions the world does not include sleep until noon, proceeded by many hours of reality TV, and finally mass socialization events starting at 11pm.  For these reasons, the annual summer migration pattern where these cocoons of academia no longer provide protection of this lifestyle, create a level of stress on the homes where the migration occurs.

Starting today, we expect the return of our first college student.  Both of our students already have made their presence felt by convincing their brother to come to school over the weekend and provide use of his truck to bring to our home most personal possessions and furnishings.  Of course, with no thought of where these items would be deposited, the brother and I spent Sunday afternoon carrying things to storage and upstairs to bedrooms in preparation for the migration.  Why do we have to handle the migration and all of its baggage also?  The migration is like taking a business trip, where when you reach your hotel you find your favorite big screen TV, chair, couch and reading materials.  Not to mention a full wardrobe of clothing that most likely has hardly been touched (but was needed just in case)!

For months we have enjoyed a lifestyle that includes sleeping through the night at what most of us consider normal hours.  Beginning tonight, I can almost hear the TV’s blaring through our home at 1am, waking me up to the sound of Jersey Shore reruns.  Not to mention that I am accustomed to getting out of bed and not worrying about the bodies deposited on couches throughout the home.   Did I mention the food consumption and lack of parking?  Or finding myself blocked into our driveway by multiple vehicles when trying to leave to go to the office?

My wife and children consider my attitude about this migration a sign of my senility.  They may be right.  I am increasingly a creature of habit.  Just like nature, the migration affects my habits and it causes conflict.  The good news?  Jobs!  Yes, get the student employed quickly in a job where they work eight hours and are tired by late evening!  This seems to make a huge difference in the adaptation of the student to it’s new environment.  If they can’t find one, create one for them!  You are not running college housing and the migration needs to include a rapid adaptation program to the lifestyle of the remainder of the home.  Unless you also have high school students who will be out of school in a month.   At that point all you can do is plan vacations and disrupt the patterns.

True, we love having our kids back home.  It is the adaptation process that is a true test of our patience and now a part of our recognition of summer.  I think I now understand the real reason people  purchase summer homes!

 

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Happy Spring!

March 20th, 2012

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high

John Denver

 

Do you feel any different this morning?  The Spring Equinox occurred at 1:14 EDT this morning!  This date means two things.  Daylight and darkness will be approximately an equal 12 hours.  Most importantly, winter is over!!!

I know, most of us have been blessed with a winter that makes us re-think whether we really need to move to warmer climates December through February.  If you are like me, you are worried about the payback.  Does the weather really average itself out over time?

Longer days mean more sunshine.  More sunshine for many of us just means we feel better.  Is it the sunshine or the ability to be outdoors that makes us happy?  Or both?

There is actually some science to back all of these good feelings up.  In a University of Rochester study, 90 percent of subjects got a boost in energy and had their outlook brightened by spending time outdoors around trees, grass, and living creatures.  90%!

So getting outside and breathing fresh air does make you happy!   Walking outside, and not on a treadmill, gives your heart and your mental facilities a charge!  I find the chance to walk and see many different things well worth it for both my heart and mind.

Plus, with the official arrival of Spring, that means each day for the next three months will be longer than the night!  Lets all get happy!

Oh..I have to add this comment because I actually have friends in the Southern Hemisphere of the world.  To those friends…never mind.   Sorry…this does not apply to you.  Can you set it aside and come back to it in September?

Happy Spring!!  (to most of my friends who reside in the Northern Hemisphere!)

Little darling
It’s been a long, cold lonely winter
Little darling
It feels like years since it’s been here
Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun,
and I say
It’s all right   The Beatles

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Thank You!

March 12th, 2012

I enjoy coaching youth basketball and baseball.  Our basketball season ended suddenly (only the champs win their last game) last week.  I couldn’t shift gears fast enough at the end of the game to say what was most important.  I tried to encourage the kids, and that was important also.  But, this group of kids had worked and played particularly hard and they deserved to be told “thanks”.

I ended up sending an email later to the parents and the kids wrapping up the season and sharing the two words that kept going through my mind.  “Thank You!”  It may seem a little odd that I wanted to say thanks to all of them so badly (since I was the unpaid volunteer!) but lets face it.  We were all giving to each other in the relationships and the gift I was given was a lot of hard effort and commitment from players and parents.  What more could you ask for?  “Thank you” seems very appropriate.

How often though do we forget to really recognize those people who give so much to us?  In the moment at the end of the game it did not register with me.  It was only with a day of reflection that I realized how important it was to share my gratitude.   In business and life, it seems the chase is where the energy is spent.  When the end is accomplished, whether it is the end of a sports season, or the client who agrees to a contract, thank you is a very important part of our language.

Even more importantly, when we are successful do we recognize all the people that helped make for the success?  Not only do we need to thank the players and client, but also the parents and staff that made the experience a positive one for all involved.

In many service businesses there is a certain expectation as to the quality of service received, and people often do not feel it necessary to add a thank you for a good deed.   I know it should not work this way, but if you are one of these people, notice that the customers who show appreciation seem to get a little bit higher level of service.  This is easy to explain.  We all like to be around people who are kind and gracious…and level headed!

Do I think we should all walk around saying “thank you” just to make the world a nicer place?  Absolutely not.  “Thank you” is an expression of gratitude that needs to be sincere.  A “thank you” for the sake of thank you is not sincere, and should be meaningless.  I personally want to be able to recognize when thanks are due and immediately let the person know of my gratitude.

Even if it is just minutes after the final buzzer.

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The Difference Between Boys and Men

March 5th, 2012

In February,  I had two daughters turn 21.  Last year, my other daughter turned 18.   All three are in various stages of their dating lives.  I realize I might have a little bit of influence, but mostly at this point it is up to the girls to make decisions about their lives that turn out to be good ones.  That statement is a mouthful because how many of us as adults have always made good decisions?  I think as an adult we have some ability to at least acknowledge the bad decisions and dissect where they went wrong.  Wouldn’t it be great to be able to always recognize a bad decision before you make one?

When it comes to my daughters and their relationships, I came across this over the weekend.  The writer is unknown.  It is wisdom that I think comes across well in the written word instead of the dad lecture.  Maybe you will find value in this no matter if you are a Dad, Mom, or a Daughter.

When you start to have a relationship with a boy, you want him to act like a man.  If you are in a relationship with a man, you don’t want him to act like a boy.  What is the difference?

A boy will flatter you.  A man will compliment you.

A boy will spend money on you.  A man will invest in you.

A boy will view you as property.  A man will view you properly.

A boy will lust after you.   A man will love you.

A boy is someone  who believes he’s God’s gift to women.   A man  remembers woman was God’s gift to man.

I want my girls to look for and recognize the difference in a boy and a man.  I also want to teach my sons to be a man.   I realize that involves a lot more than being a good sportsman, or not being a slob.  Sometimes with boys we forget the important things when it involves girls.  Maybe this will help.

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Addiction To Social Media

February 28th, 2012

I just read that Chicago University researchers have found that tweeting or checking email can actually be harder to resist than alcohol and cigarettes!  I spent the last five minutes finding the link to the article so I can tweet it to my followers.  Can you believe this?  Can’t speak for cigarettes but alcohol?  Guess I can’t speak for alcohol either.  I am a light drinker.  I better send out a clarification via Twitter and Facebook (since Facebook receives a feed from my twitter).

These researchers also found that as the day dragged on, willpower became lower when it came to using social networking sites, and the temptations grew stronger.  I can tell you right now that is nonsense.  I wake up at 6am and immediately review my Seesmic feed of all the people I follow, on all of my accounts, on Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn.  Late in the day I get weaker.  That is nonsense!

Darn it..everybody is tweeting about Angelina Jolie’s Oscars dress and the link is dead.  Better Google it.  Wooooo…

So, where was I?

These researchers also think that the desire for these media is harder to resist because the price is right..free.  Well, they might have a point there.  Free is a good thing..though nothing that is free lasts forever.   These sites will find a way to creep advertising into their media streams…you just wait.

I think it is so great that so many of my friends send me their horoscope sign every day.  Somebody is ”in for a frustrating day with a friend today and their attitude will be greatly affected.”  I hope that friend is not me.  Probably not, I have never met this person even if they call me friend.  Wait, I can click here to view the full horoscope.   Oh, boring..that just takes me to some page that wants access to my info.  I bet if I click on that all of my friends will start getting my horoscope and won’t they be thrilled?  Oh, and maybe a few direct messages marketing products.  Think I will pass on that one.  Maybe more people should think that through before clicking “yes” on everything!

So, the logic in this study is that social media is free making it a bigger addiction than cigarettes or booze because those things cost money.  The researchers are also noting that traditional addictions take tolls way beyond money, while social media takes what?  Time, logic, a nagging persistent feeling that your followers are waiting for you to say something?  It seems this nagging feeling causes many people to make public statements that I often feel like responding with a “WTF?”  Look it up.

Or, really good people who decide that their social media presense should be emphasized with the latest multilevel marketing scheme they are involved in.  Social media is pretty similar to multilevel marketing so I guess I see the logic.   I just hate being tempted all day with vitamins, toys and candles being sold by my friends.

Somehow I have a friend who is Spanish and I can read only a few phrases they publish.  How did that happen?   Does he get annoyed by my posts in English?  Maybe I should ask him..Google offers a translator function.  Maybe I should post in multiple languages?

My favorite day in social media was when across my desktop I received a tweet that somebody I actually know was feeling much better after they had relieved themselves.  Really….ever hear of too much information?

The study, which will appear in Psychological Science, finally makes the point that the biggest loss for addicted users of social media is a thing called time.  I think I could have figured that one out without a fancy Dr. next to my name.  I am so glad they have confirmed this.

How did I hear about this study?  It was tweeted to me..of course.  Now, please excuse me.  I am getting nervous I have not checked my feeds in the last five minutes.

 

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Attack of the Conehead!

February 17th, 2012

Our puppy Buddy came home yesterday with a cone on his head and without his manhood.  Now, most of you will know what I am talking about and realize that this is just a normal rite of passage for male puppies.  I have had three male dogs and all of them have made the trip to the vet that caused each “he” to become an “it”.

It is the cone that has my attention.   Plastic cones are used with dogs to keep them from licking their wounds if you know what I mean.  There is an old joke about that with men but it is not appropriate to recite here..just leave it to be said that Buddy is very unhappy not being able to inspect his private areas.  I thought about adding a picture to this post but decided it was more pitiful than fun and I might just get somebody who finds the picture cruel.   So, I stuck with what keeps coming to mind..the Coneheads from SNL.  Basically, the cone is a piece of plastic connected in a circle around the dog’s neck and extending to a wider opening just beyond the dog’s nose.  Not really like the Coneheads of the 1980′s but the word just seems appropriate.

Anyway, something about this cone on his head has made it so Buddy can’t get through doorways without banging the cone and almost ripping it off his neck.   Buddy seems just fine and is moving through doorways with no loss of speed.  Suddenly, his cone clips the wall and he does a quick stop and looks around like “what the heck?”

I thought he would have trouble eating but I forgot, he is a dog!   They can figure out how to eat the smallest crumb that finds its way all the way under the couch.  A cone presents little problem.  What does he care about the mess he makes?  If he could talk I’m sure he would say “thats what you guys get for giving me this ridiculous cone and not letting me lick myself and feel better?”

So, this morning Buddy really let me have it.  Not sure why I am the target of his frustration because my wife Jennifer took him and picked him up from the manhood doctor.  I can’t be associated with this whole act.  I guess he just knows Jennifer will sleep through anything.  Buddy jumped up on our bed..right on me, and swung the cone straight across my face.  Then a second time to just make sure I understood how upset he is.   Who needs an alarm clock when they can be knocked silly by a dog wearing a plastic cone?  The perfect start of my day!   Now I am certain somehow Buddy is blaming me.  Everybody else around here can do no wrong so it must be the grumpy old guy’s fault.

Soon life will return to normal around here again.   The cone will be removed and Buddy will be free to roam around the cabin, if you know what I mean.   As a person who has owned a dog for a long time, I know the cone will return one day.   When it does, I will make sure to remember the awakening I experienced this morning and discuss with Buddy it is only fair he share the cone with him Mom next time.

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Life Saving Tip You Should Know

January 11th, 2012

On a more serious side, if you have not seen this you should. It makes a lot of sense as a CPR method that is simpler to jump in and help if you are ever placed in a situation where needed.

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Call Me Scrooge!

December 30th, 2011

Yesterday I became Scrooge!

Not intentionally, but simply because I got a jump on an end of season task.

As I have mentioned before, our little burb has quite the light display courtesy of about 90% participation from all Christmas celebrating families.  We also have large trees bordering the street and the tradition is they are wrapped in white lights-as high as one can reach with an 11 foot light pole (available at Target right now for $15.99)!   It is beautiful and our street becomes a must see for Christmas light seekers.  Cars slowly creep down our street all December, annoying us residents who simply want to get home at the posted speed limit.

There are no rules or regulations for how to participate.  We are a 20 year old neighborhood and new residents catch on quickly.  When they stop by the summer cookouts and somebody asks them..”hey..you got a pretty good stock of white outdoor lights and a hanging pole don’t you?” they start to get indoctrinated.  Actually, at these same get-togethers, many of us start to contemplate how we can end this labor of love that starts every Thanksgiving.  Cutting down the trees seems like the only idea anybody really has since the peer pressure is so high.

So, our community light display is a rather unstructured participation with little rules other than white lights on your street trees.  There is no rule as to when the lights go off, though typically they start getting shut down New Years day.  In May, I  still observe trees full of lights..just not being turned on at night.   I have never done that but it seems once the trees are full of leaves you will never get those lights out.

Yesterday afternoon produced sunshine and 50 degrees.   Being accustomed to freezing my hands and other body parts off taking the lights down, I decided it was time to end our family participation in this ritual.   Next week could bring snow, ice and who knows what other pitiful Indiana weather extremes but not Thursday December 29.   Over the course of the three hours it takes to bring down the entire display, cars crept by slowly giving me the look of disappointment…possibly questioning my loyalty to the program.  I started to believe they were calling me Scrooge from inside their cars.  How could I create this opening in the beautiful path of lights?

The truth be known, I bet secretly they were all envious they had not thought of this first.  It is pouring rain today, and by Sunday it will be in the 20′s.  As the cars drove slowly down the street last night I could hear them actually accelerate as they came to our home.  Next year they will go looking for lights before Christmas since it appears people shut down this show early.    The neighbors will likely watch out for a nice day and get those lights down also.  A trend has started.  Either that or my social expulsion from my nighborhood for betrayal of the unwritten Christmas light rules.  So

Happy New Year everybody!

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Puppies

December 16th, 2011

The last time I wrote about animals it involved the passing to doggy heaven of our long time family dog. Jake.  After Jake was no longer with us (known by me as AJ-after Jake), we cleaned up and threw away a lot of things that really had no use anymore with no Jake.  My wife invested in a thorough carpet cleaning and our home was shining!  It was nice to come home and not worry about a dog.  Plus, did I mention how clean our home was?

I was getting use to this new AJ lifestyle.  Things seemed a little calmer without a dog…and that was OK.  I was starting to realize how much the care Jake required, over the last year of his life,  had just really tired me out.   Thirty days and it just seemed like I was getting into a nice routine and guess what?

I think most of the people that work in our office heard me say, several times, “No” when Jennifer stopped by and asked.  She had placed her name on a list for a rescue dog service and preferenced labradoodles.  That was Wednesday.  On Friday they are calling her and she is asking me about another dog.  If you have ever lived in this moment, you know the feelings of guilt combined with selfishness.  “Do I want to see a picture?”  Uh no, I just want to get back to work and pretend this moment is not occurring.

So, you know what happened next.  What choice did I have?  Plus, it was like buying one of those products on late night television.  “No risk- guaranteed!”  I won’t have to do anything.  Jennifer will make sure the puppy has all it needs and is trained and lots of promises that are impossible with puppies.  But, she has a big heart and it is not fair of me to squelch that.

So, by Sunday, the very short lived period of clean, quiet and relaxing days had ended.  Just like that.  Maybe it is a result of raising five kids.  We know nothing us but chaos in our home.   With the older kids off at college and not far from being off the payroll, maybe a Mom just needs something to replace the lost madness?

I chuckle at the money she spent on carpet cleaning the week before as we discover “Buddy” came to us with a stomach bug.  What did she expect for a dog pulled from a dumpster?  The chuckling ended though when I was left with him, and despite all my efforts to make a trip outside every 15 minutes, I end up with two carpet disasters.  As I clean up, I am mumbling to myself about why I did not want another dog.

Joey (our soon to be 8 year old) is similar to an only child because of the hers, mine and ours status of our children.  Of course, I am told Buddy will be Joey’s best friend.  I think Joey would love that but Buddy just sees somebody almost his size that he can jump on and test out his little baby teeth.  Joey is trying very hard to keep his patience but he has his limits.  Tonight, after Buddy cleared two pieces of furniture in pursuit of Joey, who was trying to work on homework, I noticed quiet.  Between raising kids and having two other dogs I have trained, quiet (except in the middle of the night) is a concern.  So I start trying to find the ball of white fur.  Nowhere to be found.  I ask Joey if he has seen Buddy.   He informs me, “oh yea” so I ask the next logical question.

“Where?”

“In his crate.”

“Why?”

“He will leave me alone then.”

So “Buddy Prison” is officially in business.  And it is our youngest one who figured out how to bring sanity back to our home when needed!

Feel free to come meet Buddy.  We will post visitation hours for the Prison.  He likely will be in serving time.

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Times Are Changing..Better Let Your Sons Know!

December 9th, 2011

In case you are raising boys, and are not a middle age man, what I am going to share may be news to you.  Men are now our parents women.  Huh?  Basically, as time has gone on, and society advanced past the industrial age, women are now better suited for many, if not most, professions in todays world.  You may be thinking I am being cyncial but the evidence is piling up.  And we better start recognizing it as we raise our sons.   The old ways just are not going to cut it in this brave new world.

In 2010 women became the majority of the workforce for the first time in American history.   There are now three women graduating from college for every two men.   I think we can stop arguing for equality-except pay is not quite there but it is approaching equillibrium.  Our culture has created this disparity in a totally unplanned manner.  Even certain Asian countries now place an emphasis on young parents birthing girls.

Why?  In the post-industrial world thinking and communication skills have more value than brute strength for economic success.   Of course, women have always been programmed to be better communicators than men.

The result?  During the last five years, 75% of the jobs lost were held by men.  Think about the industries that have been significantly hurt in this recession and how male-oriented they are.  Manufacturing, construction, finance.   The reason we need to start teaching our boys differently is for their future in the world of employment.  Just a few of them are going to make $254 million over 10 years (aka Albert Pujols).  I think we all believe the future for our boys might be in being paid to play games.  Reality says we better realize our boys chances of being paid to play is very, very slim.  Chances are much better they will get paid to provide a service.  Of the 15 job categories projected to grow over the next decade, all but two are women dominated fields.  In fact, the fastest growing job fields are dominated with services that formerly were performed by women in the home, and can be scaled into successful businesses.  Think home health care and food preparation.   Even the education system values the skill sets that come more easily to girls (verbal skills, focus, and slef-control).  We can’t reprogram our boys, but we need to with awareness direct them toward the future.

The self-reliance of woman is now evidenced by delaying or postponing marriage.  Why haul along a husband who may earn much less, and is not profecient at housekeeping skills also?  Maybe the least we can do is make our sons learn some domestic skills that we naturally avoid for boys, but encourage for girls.

What made me think about this today is the news from Purdue that the College of Engineering has set a new record for women enrollment.  Since 2007, the first year female population has grown by 42%!  In this traditionally male field, women easily could succeed once the sterotypes are set aside, and the way the learning takes place adjusts from lecture to more group oriented.  That is what Purdue is doing and the result is one more avenue that women could become equal, if not dominant.

I have three daughters and I am happy for all of these opportunities that the world will provide for them.  I also have two sons and the traditional world for boys, that I grew up in, and they are a part of, is lacking in really preparing them for the skills they are going to need.  As parents we have to start to recognize this.  While we can toss off certain behaviors with “boys will be boys” we may want to ask whether we really want them to be.

(Many of the facts referenced in this post came from an amazing story in The Atlantic magazine title “The End of Men”.  I suggest you read it.)

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